"Love of Learning".

Connections happen in strange places and take strange forms.

I connected with a guest at Chick-fil-a today while talking about the Romantic Era in American literature. In the last three minutes of my shift, I took her order and we randomly started discussing books. When I clocked out, she waved me over to her table and we talked some more. When she learned that I have been home-educated, she was shocked. "Wow," she stammered."I just...I don't know how your mom has instilled this love of learning in you."

But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that my mother has not instilled a "love of learning" in me.

I don't think that was ever her goal. Whatever she instilled in me was different. Honestly, the way my mother raised and educated me was close to sheer brilliance, on her part. You see, from a young age, she taught me that pure knowledge was useless.

I never learned to simply love knowledge. My mother never instilled a passion for just "learning" in me. She never indoctrinated me with "knowledge is power." Instead, she showed me that excellence is power.

Mom made sure I understood that being smart wasn't the goal. Seeking knowledge was not education. "Education", to her, was purposefully pursuing truth, excellence, and wisdom. She wanted me to have understanding, not just brains. She wanted me to be wise, not just intelligent. Mostly, she wanted me to have excellence. And she wanted me to have the guts to practically apply anything I had learned.

I mean, sure, my mom wanted me to be smart, like any other good parent would. But she wanted me to learn valuable things, not just things. She desired for me to have knowledge, but she wanted me to pursue knowledge of quality.

I think that's where the education my mother gave me differed from the typical, pre-college, modern education. She was wise enough to understand that memorizing facts by rote wasn't an education. Knowing stuff was not excellence. Being brainy didn't mean you would be successful. Amidst learning the typical things that every kid learns, like fractions and chemistry and algebra and even American literature, my mother instilled something more in me. And it was not a love for learning. It was a love for truth. It was a love for quality. It was a love for purpose. It was a love for wisdom. And by instilling those things into me, she taught me how to utilize raw knowledge. She taught me how to apply it. She taught me how to discern the quality amongst the quantity.

And I think that was brilliant of her. Because even if you forget some of the facts that your education poured into you, you never forget how to pursue excellence. You never forget how to discern wisdom. You never lose your hunger for truth. You never forget how to work hard. Those things stick with you, and those things are what make you truly successful.

"When you read the history books about outstanding individuals, you see that many of them didn't have brilliant minds. Instead, they had common sense and worked hard to accomplish their goals." -Truett Cathy

Until today, I don't think I fully explored the value of my education, or my gratefulness for it. And it's such a huge cliché and understatement, but I am just so grateful; and so mom, thank you.

_

Theology Quarrels.

I once was an idiot.

I once walked into an NCFCA event and proudly stated, "Predestination is unbiblical!"

Got slaughtered over that. Never tried it again. I fought with people over that facet of theology and everything in between. But when the whole Calvinism thing started sinking in about a year ago, I started fighting with my Southern-Baptist-Armenian-friends. Predestination was actually kinda biblical. And I was a jerk about it. And I didn't even care. They were wrong and I was right. I had finally accepted what I had fought for years. It made me feel proud. And until they recognized that, I was relentless. Come to think of it, I once was a jerk as well.

I loathe that about myself. I loathe the fact that being right about theology was once more important to me than people. God's creation. I was so incredibly arrogant over the fact that I was now correct. I understood every facet of God now, right? And that somehow gave me the right to trample the people who needed God the most.

People quarrel over theology and they forget the point. Theology is about understanding God more. It is about comprehending even a few flecks of His vast mystery. And comprehending, biblically, ought to lead to sharing. Don't lock away the beautiful things you know. Share them with other humans, and pray that they start to understand God more, too. Because God is hard to understand. Not all of it makes sense on this side of eternity. 

But somehow, talking about theology has devolved into something less than simply seeking the face of God. Theological discussions can sometimes become not about God at all. They become about pride. They become a contest of intelligence; a battle of wits; a trivia of theological knowledge. And they hurt people. When people shoot theology at you instead of understanding you, that hurts. When people share their own bloated knowledge instead of seeking to help others understand God, that hurts. 

Oftentimes, we just want to communicate the lofty things that we have understood. We forget to communicate for the purpose of helping others understand God.

That's what theology is about. That should be the purpose of theological discussions. To understand God. To seek His face. To humbly recognize His vastness and His mystery. To raise questions and search for answers. It should not be to force another into admitting you're right. The Gospel is not about simply being right. It's about God's grace. Theology is a method of communicating that grace. Don't forsake such an opportunity by quarreling with someone who might simply need to glimpse the grace of God. 

Explaining truth and hammering it relentlessly into someone can be vastly different. One is for the glory of God; the other is for the glory of ourselves. 

We really do forget to communicate for the purpose of helping others understand God. 

So I guess, let's discuss away. Talk all the theology we please. Seek to understand God and share every bit of it, even. But let's also remember the purpose. Remember that is for the glory of Christ, not our ego. Approach others with a mindset of grace, rather than a hunger to be recognized as right. 

People need to be loved. They need to schooled, but they need to be loved too. God is understandingly patient with us. He loves us while he gently and gradually reveals facets of His truth. Perhaps an element of that should be adopted in how we share truths with others. 

_

{Silence.}

Some nights I come in here, into this tranquil little room of mine, and I drink in the immense silence. 

But it isn't purely the silence that is comforting; it is the depth of it. 

Oftentimes, in this weird sorry world of ours, we have moments of silence that are just reeking of shallowness. We sit and we're complacent in our silence, but we don't let it affect us. We don't gulp it in; we don't even let it gradually seep into our pores. We don't use it to think or feel. We're just quiet. 

But a shallow "quiet" is far different from a rich, velvety silence. The kind of silence that wraps its cloak around you and folds you neatly into it. The kind that takes each thought and gently lays it to rest. The kind that can handle deep tranquility or even deeper sadness. The kind of silence that was made for softly dull candles, the gentle monotony of a ceiling fan, a mug of something hot, and a pen and paper. Maybe even a few tears; at least deeply meaningful thoughts. Silence is vivid. When we allow our buzzing bodies and minds to still themselves, things can happen. The stupidity of our glorified rat-race-of-a-life is forgotten, and often the truly colorful and beautiful thoughts can rise to the surface. Like a limp body in a pool of water, beauty can rise to the surface in the silence. 

That is why I find silence so immensely rewarding. Others may find occasional silences to be rude, distant, or unnecessary. But its richness to me far exceeds the hummingbird-like tendencies of everyone else -- flitting around endlessly, panickedly, sometimes pointlessly. Silence allows for observation, contemplation, discovery and realization. It is in these silences - full of color, life, and depth - that I discover the most about myself. It's beautiful. 

Silence is an excavation, brimming with its own possibility, wonder, and contentedness. 

"Happiness" is a myth.

"Maybe I should just marry Keith and hope he dies young."
"When did we become such pathetic people?"
-Elliot and J.D in Scrubs

I just received an email from a friend, and it sparked some thoughts. He told me that he wasn't happy. He remembered being happy around last July and August, but something had cracked since then, and he couldn't pinpoint it.

Ever been unhappy and you have no idea why?

I will confess: I didn't even know how to be happy until this spring. I went into this year with several goals, and one overriding theme: figure out how to be happy. I spent the early winter months working through my parent's recent separation and the events that precipitated it. Maybe this wouldn't be the best time to find happiness after all. But all of the sudden, it was. Nothing in my life was perfect, but somehow, something was just working for me. A friend asked me how I was in late March. And I realized that I was happy. It had happened. I did it. I was happy.

But I quickly realized how weird happiness is. I found that "happiness" is more accurately described as a conglomeration of satisfaction, confidence, cooperative circumstances, your personal grasp of hope, and endorphin releases. And if any one of those things flips out of balance, stuff can get tricky again.

Happiness is a myth. Nobody knows how to make it last. Nobody knows exactly what it is or how to keep it. Everybody chases it, and some people find it; others do not. Happiness is an elusive creature that every human has hunted throughout their entire existence. But what is it? Why is it important? How could some people find it and others find it consistently evasive?

Why does happiness ebb and flow? 

Happiness does come and go. Sometimes, you're just unhappy, and there is no explanation or cure. Yet other times, happiness springs upon you and there is no explanation for that either. I've found that happiness is, at its core, unpredictable. And yet I have found that is also a skill. Happiness is a skill. Learning to recognize beauty in the ashes and yet seeing that life is not comprised of ashes - that is a skill. Choosing to fight for hopes yet unseen - that is a skill. 

Realizing that if it weren't for sadness, we wouldn't even recognize happiness - that is a skill. 

My mom used to tell me that happiness is not a right. And I think that's correct You aren't entitled to feeling happy. But you are entitled to the pursuit of it. You're entitled to chasing it, choosing it, and fighting for it as much as you please. 

Yet ultimately, I think it is the method by which you pursue happiness that truly determines happiness.

I have seen others pursue happiness with an unabashed selfishness. They stepped on the happiness of others' simply to ensure their own. And I think any happiness gained from that is shallow. But I've also seen people pursue happiness with yet a keen appreciation for the happiness of others'. And that is beautiful. In my personal experience, the individuals who pursue happiness without crushing that of others' find themselves the most happy. Wisdom determines that fine line.

So as for being happy, I guess you just have to choose it. But you also have to fight for it, and yet with wisdom. You have to harness your own pursuit of it. You have to realize that happiness ebbs and flows, and that's okay. You have to understand that happiness may not last forever, but neither does unhappiness. You have to understand that happiness can be circumstantial, but that circumstances can't rob you of hope. And ultimately, maybe an ever-steady hope determines happiness.

Also, coffee is great for a massive dopamine release.

"Through Him, we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God." 
-Romans 5:2 ESV