With all my friends leaving for college and starting their life, I have become prey to a shockingly mind-blowing epiphany.
Growing up is scary.
Like relationships. Everybody wants somebody. Everybody is expected to have somebody. But relationships could make or break everything else. They can make everything more rosy or more cloudy. And if your relationship doesn't have the weight to impact everything else, then maybe it isn't important enough to you. Or maybe it shouldn't impact everything else. But maybe if it does, it's only healthy. Maybe that means that you've found somebody worth your time. But figuring it all out is one heck of a ride.
And kids. How unsettling is the thought that one day, you'll have kids. You'll have to have enough wisdom or guts or both to be the foundation of another human's life. You will be the reason that someone does or does not learn right and wrong. You could ruin somebody's life, and they can't do anything about it. That level of power and responsibility honestly scare me. How is one human supposed to conquer humanness enough to teach it to another person? That takes the most courage of all.
And finances, career, etc. I want to spend my life investing in what I'm good at. But I also need to earn enough money to stay afloat. Because apparently food and electricity are rather pivotal in today's society. Will I ever find the career that I'm passionate about? Will I ever have to sacrifice the career I love in order to earn enough money? Or vice versa? Should I be okay with that sacrifice?
Will I change the world? Will it change me? Will I be able to leave an impact? Or will I be so busy being afraid that I don't ever try?
So many questions. So many fears. Maturity seems to get easier with practice, but it also feels a little bit like dying. Growing up is just scary. But sometimes, admitting that is one of the most mature things you can do.
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