The Uncomfortable Post

After this post, I'm probably going to be labeled as one of "those people". And that's okay. I used to label people like me, too. Until I realized the absurdity of what I actually believed.

I think the Christian modesty culture has gone too far.

There are a few basic premises I want to go over in this post. They range from the goals of the Christian modesty culture to sexual objectification to even some of my personal struggles. And probably some more stuff. But first heed my warning. I plan to speak openly about sensitive issues. I think that the church has been deceived on this issue, and I want to talk about it. If you disagree with me, you are free to do so. I think it needs to be talked about. If you don't think that? Okay. I am not offended by you. This is just what I think.

The Three-Faceted Issue

In my humble opinion, the problem with the whole modesty culture lies within three fairly obvious areas, each of which perpetuate the other.

1. Society.
2. The Church.
3. Ourselves.

It's like this. Society has trained us to believe that we are all purely sexual creatures. Skin is interpreted only sexually. Lips are interpreted only sexually. Genitals are interpreted only sexually. The way we walk, sleep, carry ourselves, talk, and dress becomes a sexual statement. Anything can be sexy. We've gotten used to a society that objectifies, over-sensualizes, and isolates sex. We even market it. Everything, even the clothes we put on our body, are interpreted with a sexual connotation. Society has told us we're sex-crazy. Modesty, therefore, has become directly correlative with controlling this crazy sexuality. 

That's where the Church has come in. The Church, in denying this shallow focus on sex, has tried to control it; with, oddly enough, sex. The church has confirmed that the human body, particularly a woman's body, is a lethal weapon. Yes, the church just confirmed the sex-crazed-culture's fatal flaw. Instead of seeing human bodies as containers of persons of worth, the church sees us exactly like society sees us. Sex-objects. Viewing all people as purely sexual creatures. But, unlike society, the Church tries to label "sexual objectification" as wrong. "You're all just sex-objects, guys, and it's wrong. But don't bother trying to adjust your viewpoint of sex and the human body. We're just going to give you random rules. Ladies, it starts with you."

Obviously, the way to fix lust is to fix the object of the lust. 

So the Church has dutifully spent millions creating programs about modesty. Changing the ways girls dress. Creating absurdly arbitrary standards as to what is too short, what is too tight, what is too revealing, what is too provocative. A girl's body becomes wrong; a potential for sin; immoral. Needing perpetual covering. She is taught, either directly or inadvertently, that her body is the powerful vortex of endless evil. All men will "stumble" if they see it, because men are naturally bottomless-sexual-pits. And by "stumble", we really mean, "Men will desire her in a sexual context, because that's all her body is capable of portraying." Her body has so much sexual power (and that's about it), and it must be controlled. The church objectifies the body as much as society. Restricting the female body is not the answer to a societally-perpetuated objectification of the human body. But the church and society are really both doing the objectifying.

Society: Hey look! A human! I want to have sex with it! 

(doesn't recognize a human body as a soul; only recognizes sexual potential.)

Church: Hey look! A human! Let's make sure nothing has sex with it!

(doesn't recognize a human body as a soul; only recognizes sexual potential.)

Finally, the Church has failed to see two ridiculously fatal flaws with this whole 'you-are-a-sexual-creature-and-we-haz-rules-to-control-it' thing. First, wardrobe standards are arbitrary. And second, wardrobe standards are pointless. 

By arbitrary, I mean this: the Bible does not set parameters that specifically define what is modest or immodest. I've yet to find a definitive, "burkas are okay; leggings are not" type of thing. Thus, any "modesty standard" is man-made, subject to interpretation, and subject to change. And you're having pre-teen girls/grown women base their sexual conscience on an arbitrary standard. Story time: I was called a "baby [inexperienced] whore" at a debate tournament for wearing leopard-print heels with a matching leopard-print blouse. My suit was not tight. My skirt was not short. My blouse was not revealing. I met all the "right standards", right? But no. There are no "right standards". Everybody has a different standard. Thus, you're subject to falling short, being immodest, and receiving "whore status" at any given moment.

And by pointless, I mean this: women are not responsible for, or capable of, controlling a man's sexual desire. This is one of the hugest problems with the idea of the modesty culture. A woman, or anybody, cannot possibly be responsible for preventing any given person's sin. No matter how thoroughly you cover up their body, they are still subject to lust and objectification due to the state of our society. Ridiculous amounts of undue pressure have been put on women, all with the goal of stopping other men's sin. They are guilted into believing their body is the problem. If they conceal the problem, the perception of it will cease, right? But it doesn't work. It's impossible. As patheos.com put it:

Um, hey, guys, don’t you know that people are attracted to wildly different things and you can’t possibly create a standard that crushes every salacious impulse in every conceivable instance? Also, not every guy is a sex-crazed maniac like you think they are.

Well-said.

And then there's the final prong of the problem. Ourselves. We are part of the problem simply because we have chosen to go along with things, on both ends of the spectrum.

Example: I went through a stage where I was so paranoid about possibly causing a guy to sin (i.e, view me in a sexual fashion) that I wore no makeup and donned long denim skirts, and loose XL blouses. I made sure to keep my hair in a simple medium-length style; I remember when my stylist cut me side-bangs, and I cried. I thought they looked too cool. Too trendy. Too sexy. I was clearly on the path to becoming the next Delilah with those trampy side-bangs. I thought that, by controlling my appearance, I could control the thoughts of every man I met.

And I also went through a stage where everything I bought was purchased with sexual awareness. Actually, that still kind of happens. You know, where you try something on, look in the mirror, and ask yourself if it passes "the test": if it makes me look hot, buy it; f it doesn't make me look attractive, put it back on the rack. And in a way, that's fair enough. We should all buy things that look good on us. But that's different than buying things for their sexual allure. Honestly, I've bought things before that I knew made me look sexually desirable. And I think that's wrong. I think it perpetuates the problem - putting the focus on clothing and sexual potential, rather than the value of human identity and individuality. And here, I also thought that my wardrobe could control the thoughts of every man I met. In both instances, I obsessed over thoughts about purely my body. Objectifying myself, in both scenarios, before anyone else even had a chance.

We all do it. The problem rests with ourselves. 

Society reduces us all to purely sexual creatures. The church has confirmed this stigma and thrown arbitrary, pressuring, and absurd rules at us. And then we've just blithely gone along with it all. 

The solution is certainly not to wear denim skirts and sweatshirts. The solution is also not to walk around naked. The solution is to stop objectifying clothing, and the people who wear them, as sexual items. The solution is to learn to value the person, rather than their sexual potential. The solution is to swim upstream, deny the culture, and stop using arbitrary standards to control our stigmatized sexuality. 

Disclaimer: I understand that my solution here sounds a little bit idealistic. It would be wonderful if we all could just wear what we want and it not bother anybody. It would be wonderful if we could all just realize that our clothes are just clothes, and shouldn't be hyper-sensitively sexualized. But most people won't do that. Most people will still either gawk at you or judge you.

Maybe I'm asking you to apply an ideal standard to an unidealistic world.

But the challenge still remains. Realize that the true issue is our view of the human body and sexuality. The issue is not the human body; it is how we have dealt with it. The solution is ultimately to be unafraid, of change, of truth, of wisdom, of grace. Just be wise. But be bold. All you can do is change the culture by changing your views. Stop reducing yourself, others, and the human body to an isolated sexual object.

_