The Sappy Post.

Have you ever wondered what it actually looks like to "fall for somebody"?

It appears that "falling for somebody" has become synonymous with love; whatever society thinks that means is anybody's guess. But yeah. I've been wondering about that lately. How are you supposed to know if you've fallen for somebody or not? I mean, that scrumptious-fuzzy-butterfly-feeling is supposed to be an indication, but is that it? How is anyone supposed to know? And I mean, really know?

Is it remembering every little thing they said when you two talk? Is it thinking about them all day? Or is it when any given thing reminds you of them? Is it wanting to talk to them all the time, or share every tiny moment with them, or even tell them everything about yourself? Is it when you trust someone - and I mean wholly trust them, where you let them know everything about you - and they hold it safer than you would? Is it when you crave their presence? And being with them, or beside them, or near them, is purely enough? Is it wanting to kiss them every morning, and hold them every night? Is it when you would give anything in the world just to bring them joy? Or is it when you're willing to sacrifice everything for them, maybe even your own happiness or dreams, without breathing a single word?

How do you know when you've fallen for somebody? Maybe it's not easy to determine. Maybe it looks different for everybody. Maybe it feels different for everybody. Maybe "falling for somebody" just means you regard someone in a more meaningful way than "just friends". Maybe it means even more than that. Maybe it's when you care about somebody so much that you can't get over them. They might hurt you or lie to you or get ugly or fat or irritable. And maybe then, that butterfly feeling goes away. But somehow you still bring yourself to love them, to fight for them, to simply care for them. And maybe that's what it looks like to fall for somebody. Wanting to be with them and never give up. And if a day comes when you want to give up, you fight to keep them anyway. Because sometimes love is a choice. Maybe "falling for somebody" is a dressed-up-term for a decision to make that choice.

I don't think love is about self-fulfillment or finding happiness or hugs and kisses or even friendship. It's not the completion of self or filling in the gaps.

That's part of it, but not the extent of it.

I think, ultimately, that love is about several things. Sacrifice, intimacy, and companionship. When the Bible said that God created woman because it wasn't good for man to be alone, it was right. Aloneness isn't good. It often causes selfishness, and of course, the pungent loneliness. Companionship is beautiful because it alleviates the pain of loneliness, but it also gives you the opportunity and necessity for sacrifice. I think sacrifice is important because it is a redefinition. Because, if you think about it, we spend our entire lives doing things mostly to make ourselves happy. Sacrifice redefines that. We do things for somebody else; we try to make somebody else happy, for a change; we love and are concerned with another. It's not just ourselves anymore. Sacrifices, ultimately, although in really tiny way, redefine our day-to-day purpose. We don't exist to make ourselves happy anymore; we exist to pour ourselves into another. 

And one of the most beautiful things ever is when, in a relationship, two people find it within themselves to sacrifice for each other. It's so beautiful. Mutual sacrifice is, I think, at least the partial definition of intimacy. Intimacy is when you have an exclusive and deeply close bond with someone. And it honestly takes sacrifice to have that; letting somebody in like that. Allowing a person to know and see and have access to every part of you. Taking the effort to know somebody else like that. That's sacrifice. And mutual sacrifice leads to such a colorful intimacy that I'm not even sure how I would describe it. 

I guess intimacy is a gift that is also a labor. It is a deep interlocking and intertwining of souls. It is a perpetual withdrawal of all selfishness and stinginess; it is a perpetual replenishing of closeness and warmth. I think everybody wants that, this "intimacy". But so few people actually get there. Shallow dual-interest is often mistaken for intimacy. 

But knowing all of one's secrets, memorizing them inside and out, and sharing their bed is not the extent of intimacy.

Full intimacy teems with depth and bonds so deeply interlocked that they are indestructible. Full intimacy is a dual-denying of self, for the interest of each other. Maybe full intimacy is when two souls become one. The lines of their pain and your pain begin to blur. Like a drop of water on a watercolor painting, your separate colors begin to blend together. Individuality is not breached, but your souls collide and twist their roots together, and then they grow on as one. Full intimacy is when two hearts fall so hard for each other that they sacrifice for each other, even when unwilling or the other is undeserving.

But honestly, full intimacy is a love so vivid that it can only be modeled by Christ, and reproduced through us.

I don't really know. I've never experienced any of this. Breaking news: 90% of the stuff I write is stuff I know nothing about. All of this sounds lovely to me, but yeah. This is just how I hope it all goes.

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